A (Mock) Response to the Daily Show’s Glass Segment

Hi Mr Stewart, I’m Ritchie, and I’m appalled at the conduct of your reporter, Jason Jones, in his duplicitous interrogation of those young men and women fighting for their rights to be given access to the bars and entertainment venues of their choice regardless of their borg transforming, openly mockable, slightly creepy headwear. For these people are the pioneers of a brave new world where information is ubiquitous and delivered to your face instantaneously – not to mention you can wink and take a photo of your favourite waitress completely covertly. But seriously, how can you judge these fine upstanding challengers of a society that tries to prevent them from being the people they aspire to be – in this case slightly weird looking mechanised versions of a human being. The case for these innovative platforms of communication and information consumption will never be made if these young explorers and yes Mr Jones, they are explorers, (it says so on the box), if these denizens of the new digital information age are not given the opportunity to stretch the limits of wearable technology, and the limits of acceptable eyewear fashion and… the limits of people’s tolerance of having a camera pointed at them at eye level while you’re talking to to them. Why do I feel so strongly about this Mr John Stewart? Because I am one of them. I am a purveyor of the time to come, where we will be able to recognise a person through our device without thinking or remembering, where we don’t need actual human interaction to know a person, just a status screen in the top right hand corner in my eye. Which won’t turn on right now, hang on, just wait. Damn it’s rebooting… So Mr Stewart and Mr Jones, I am here to tell you that your segment served no purpose except to illustrate your ignorance of the inevitable rise of the superhuman, the ultimate entanglement of man and machine, and this is just the first step towards that bright, shiny metallic future. And remember these words, we will not… Um what was I saying? That’s right, we will not be distracted from our goal of creating the future one Glass at a time.